God Knows

Things have not been easy in my life lately.  Compared to some I feel bad complaining or worrying.  But everyone's struggles are relative to their own lives, their own stories.  And lately mine has been rough.

School has been hard.  The hardest its ever been.  I have a huge, boy-heavy class of kids and there are SEVERAL big behavior issues.  It's making it tough to teach and tough to feel effective. And, some days, tough to keep my sanity.

I have family turmoil going on.  It's causing lots of tension, lots of drama and I have been feeling very hurt, unimportant and kind of a non-factor lately.

And I feel bad whining about it.  Which makes me mad.  I should be allowed to whine or complain sometimes without feeling guilty about it.  About making it about me for once.  I seldom do honestly.  So in the depths of a pity party the other day I was contemplating how, even my parents, my closest friends and family, seemed to have no idea how much hurt and struggle I was going through internally.  Apparently I hide things very well.  Which hurt my feelings too.  Shouldn't someone KNOW me well enough to tell I was having a hard time??? (I told you, it was a total pity party!)

So I prayed.  Ferverently.  About everything.

God hears us. He knows.

Last night (after a somewhat better day) a friend from church called.  He just wanted to check on me.  He had noticed that I seemed off in Sunday School.  Mind you, we didn't even get a chance to talk on Sunday due to him arriving a little late and me leaving early for childcare duties.  I responded I didn't know I was that obvious. He said I wasn't.  He just knew me.  And he wanted to check on me.

It was one of the best phone calls I've had in a long time.  Just what I needed to hear. From an unexpected source.  One of my other friends who knows me better than most anyone in the world said she wouldn't have even been able to tell anything was wrong.  But he did. 

He knew.
He knew me.
God knows too.
Every time.